{"id":142,"date":"2005-12-23T04:21:33","date_gmt":"2005-12-23T04:21:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/uncategorized\/sorry_ladies_on\/"},"modified":"2005-12-23T04:21:33","modified_gmt":"2005-12-23T04:21:33","slug":"sorry_ladies_on","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/funny\/sorry_ladies_on\/","title":{"rendered":"Sorry ladies, only room for one Jesus in this manger."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/silverjacket.typepad.com\/.shared\/image.html?\/photos\/uncategorized\/ripodb.jpg\" onclick=\"window.open(this.href, '_blank', 'width=87,height=122,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,toolbar=no,directories=no,location=no,menubar=no,status=no,left=0,top=0'); return false\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"140\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Ripodb\" title=\"Ripodb\" src=\"https:\/\/silverjacket.typepad.com\/blog\/images\/ripodb.jpg\" style=\"margin: 0px 5px 5px 0px; float: left;\" \/><\/a>Ah yes, my favorite Christmas tale. I turned atheist around the age of 10, but before that I went to church on the regular. My church (First Presbyterian, in Columbus, Indiana) had a special Christmas Eve tradition in which the pastor would read the story of the birth of Christ, and all the kids in attendance would dress as a character in the story. When their characters were first mentioned, they would rise from the pews and join the nativity scene on the stage. I had a friend named Brock Jolly who liked to pick farm animals and would show up in elaborate costumes constructed of cardboard and papier mache. My sister and I would just grab hockey sticks and bathrobes at the last minute and go as shepherds.<\/p>\n<p>Typically if you were dressed as Mary you were responsible for bringing a baby Jesus. So all Marys would carry dolls and place them in the manger. One year I decided to be Joseph, and I also decided that I had just as much a stake in our son (no pun intended) as Mary did, so I brought a baby Jesus. Now this wasn&#8217;t just any doll. This was one my mom had as a girl. It was large and heavy and realistic. When you tilted its head back, the eyelids would close over its stunning glass eyes. I had the best baby Jesus in the room, hands down.<\/p>\n<p>The way the story was told, the pastor mentioned Joseph before Mary, so I had a leg up on the competition. I went up there with my son and nestled him snug in the manger. By the time the cavalcade of Marys approached, I&#8217;d decided the crib was mine&#8211;after all, my Jesus objectively kicked their Jesus&#8217; asses&#8211;and I stood my ground. Rabidly. Blood may have been shed. Look, bitches, this inn is full.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t remember how they eventually got me to relent. I think adult intervention was involved. But for a moment I had truly created a Jerry Springer Christmas on that stage. And for any baby Jesuses I may have tossed out of that manger in a fit of parental pride, I truly apologize.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ah yes, my favorite Christmas tale. I turned atheist around the age of 10, but before that I went to church on the regular. My church (First Presbyterian, in Columbus, Indiana) had a special Christmas Eve tradition in which the pastor would read the story of the birth of Christ, and all the kids in [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,48],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny","category-religion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=142"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/142\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}