{"id":22,"date":"2009-09-11T13:16:16","date_gmt":"2009-09-11T13:16:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/uncategorized\/the-truth-is-out-there\/"},"modified":"2009-09-11T13:16:16","modified_gmt":"2009-09-11T13:16:16","slug":"the-truth-is-out-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/funny\/the-truth-is-out-there\/","title":{"rendered":"The Truth is Out There"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Tinfoil_hat\"<\/a> Conspiracy theorists<\/a> drive me batty. They distract everyone from the truth. Like those people who think the government brought down the World Trade Center on September 11. When the real cover-up is much more subtle. Everything happened exactly as the government says it did\u2026 but on September 12. Memory is so malleable, we don\u2019t even remember that. They shaped the media portrayals because it\u2019s much easier to sell a war when the twin towers graphically line up with the date.<\/div>\n

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\"Revolution\"<\/a> Yes, I\u2019ve heard all the conspiracy theories about Michael Jackson. Murdered by Mark Sanford\u2019s cronies to take the heat off the Argentina thing. Not really dead. Etc. All baloney. I\u2019m something of a conspiracy theory debunker, and the facts are as plain as day. He overdosed on painkillers given to him by a doctor. One who happened to be in the deep pocket of the guy who\u2019s been playing Paul McCartney every since Paul\u2019s death in 1966. I mean that guy\u2019s had a vendetta ever since Jackson bought the Beatles catalog and hawked<\/a> use of \u201cCome Together\u201d to Elmer\u2019s. I\u2019d be pissed too.<\/div>\n

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\"Downey\"<\/a> Of course the other big conspiracy theory this summer was that Obama wasn\u2019t born in the United States. That his birth certificate is as forged as the Constitution. What a joke. This one is the work of Tom Hanks, high on his blockbuster Da Vinci Code<\/em> documentaries. His people are already developing a script. Word is that he\u2019s in a race with Robert Downey, Jr. to break the blackface barrier at the Oscars.<\/div>\n

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\"Palin_basketball\"<\/a> Sarah Palin must have been relieved to have the attention taken off her. That lady is a speculator\u2019s dream-come-true: Trig isn\u2019t hers; she secretly reads the Times<\/em>. Leaving the governor\u2019s office has sparked more rumors than ever: she\u2019s starting a WNBA<\/a> franchise (the Wasilla Wombats); she was fired<\/a> by Donald Trump (his Miss Universe Organization being the true power center of the New World Order); she hopes to make more money marketing a line of lipstick<\/a>. Look, can\u2019t we just stop assuming that there\u2019s some elaborate conspiracy of detractors attempting to assassinate her reputation with lies, and just assume that there\u2019s veracity to all of these claims? Occam\u2019s razor, people.<\/div>\n

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\"Fake-moon-landing\"<\/a> And then with the 40th anniversary of the moon landing you had all these nut jobs doped up on fluoride claiming it was faked. I don\u2019t believe it. Neither do I support Malcolm X\u2019s contention that we never actually landed on Plymouth Rock. I have been to Plymouth, Massachusetts, and human civilization is clearly in evidence. Was he implying that all those souvenir shops selling pet Plymouth Rocks are staffed by space aliens? Perhaps suggesting that we didn\u2019t land on the moon, but pieces of the moon have landed on us, sent through space from E.T. moon-miners to E.T. souvenir-vendors who pawn them off on us in an effort to increase the Earth\u2019s mass so that it becomes too difficult for us to launch our fat asses out of Earth\u2019s gravitational pull and discover their home world full of eager-tentacled virgins and glowing pet rocks?<\/div>\n

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\"Tentacle_tongue\"<\/a> No, no, no. Nothing will keep the Miss Universe Organization away from those tentacled virgins.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Conspiracy theorists drive me batty. They distract everyone from the truth. Like those people who think the government brought down the World Trade Center on September 11. When the real cover-up is much more subtle. Everything happened exactly as the government says it did\u2026 but on September 12. Memory is so malleable, we don\u2019t even […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/silverjacket.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}