Wacky Weblink Wednesday…
Ever wonder what would happen if you turned a 1982 Toyota Camry into an RC car and then took it off some sweet jumps? Wonder no further.
Bloggy Blog
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Not Sold in Stores
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Michael Jordan Totally Freaked Charles Barkley
You may recall my earlier post about a recent trip to Las Vegas, where I saw Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan dance on a table at the Bellagio's nightclub, Light. I now have the promised visual aid, courtesy one Tiller Beauchamp and his sweet camera skills.See, I remember the basketball superstars dancing, but my intoxication prevented my noting precisely which steps they did. Was it the Charleston? The Roger Rabbit? (It's to the tune of "Crazy in Love.") Reviewing the footage, I now recognize that they were STRAIGHT UP GRINDING. AND SPANKING. The movie file is 8 MB so I pulled some choice stills and assembled an incriminating collage of their intimate frolicking. Click on pic above for larger version.
The faces are small. If you don't believe it's really MJ and CB, check the E! Online gossip archives:
Tom Brady and Michael Jordan, goofing off through the ayem hours at Light in the Bellagio Hotel. Vegas, baby. Tom-hon joined ex-baller Charles Barkley in a VIP booth, while M.J. sat in another cushy booth directly on the dance floor. Charlie and Mikey boogied about, exchanging hellos and jokes. With his signature hoop earring, Mr. Jordan was decked out head-to-toe in a red 'n' black Air Jordan getup. Patriots quarterback Brady-babe, probably missing his honey, Bridget Moynahan, was more subdued than his fellow sporty homies.
UPDATE: Ryan from GorillaMask.net has offered to host the video, so now you can watch it for yourself. (The three random people at the end: Nicole freaking out, my drunken dancing head, and Tiller turning the camera on himself while doing the Jordan tongue move.) Enjoy.
UPDATE 2: The link in the first update is broken, but now YouTube exists, so here you go.
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Artificial High
Recently William Saletan wrote a well-researched article in Slate ("The Beam in Your Eye") that "If steroids are cheating, why isn’t LASIK?":A month ago, Mark McGwire was hauled before a congressional hearing and lambasted as a cheater for using a legal, performance-enhancing steroid precursor when he broke baseball’s single-season home run record.
A week ago, Tiger Woods was celebrated for winning golf’s biggest tournament, the Masters, with the help of superior vision he acquired through laser surgery.
What’s the difference?
It reminded me of the use of "artificial aids" in mountain climbing. In 1978, Reinhold Messner and Peter Habeler received wide praise for the first ascent of Everest without oxygen tanks. That’s definitely an athletic feat worthy of high praise, but the classification of oxygen tanks as "artificial aids" always confused me. It seems that if carrying oxygen with you is artificial, so is carrying food and water.
Here is partial list of equipment needed to scale Everest. Wouldn’t ice axes, crampons, and ladders better fit the bill of "artificial aid."
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Break It Up Already!
Wacky Weblink Wednesday…When I was growing up, Carl Lewis was perhaps my favorite athlete. Something about the sprint and long jump just seemed so sleek and dynamic and pure. So graceful, so fleeting, so intense. And winning the gold in long jump in 4 consecutive Olympics? That’s FUCKING NUTS. To me, Carl Lewis was untouchable.
Apparently I had forgotten a few things.
Click on FUN WITH CARL and you will be treated to a self-mocking chronological retrospective of Carl’s hair (including The Hood Ornament, The Dead Beaver, and The Gumby); Carl’s clothes; and a forgettable pop song ("Goin’ For Gold"), including a mix with brain-deadening rap interlude.
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Matt Hutson of the Day
Today I salute you, fellow Matt Hutson, commander of the Sa’cea Tau army. (That is Hutson’s army for playing Warhammer 40,000.)According to Wikipedia, Warhammer 40,000 is a "science fiction tabletop miniature wargame." I think that means people get together with their tiny soldiers, roll dice, and move the delicately painted figurines around on a table until someone wins somehow. Also according to Wikipedia, specifically its thorough coverage of Warhammer 40,000, someone who contributes to Wikipedia has a raging hardon for Warhammer 40,000.
Here is Hutson’s vivid description of his battle experience with the Sa’cea Tau army:
So far I’ve played three games with this army. The first game I played was against Graham Davey’s Chaos Space Marine army. Unfortunately a Bloodthirster appeared right in front of my army, charging me before I had a chance to shoot it. There was little I could do after that as it munched my Broadsides and Fire Warriors severely weakening my firepower. In my second game however, also against Graham, the Bloodthirster appeared quite far away allowing me to take it out in one turn. Of particular note in this game was my Stealthsuit team that wiped out a unit of Khorne Berzerkers in just one turn. My most recent game was in the Studio Cityfight campaign against Ian Vincent’s Eldar. In the mission I had to take a building from the enemy. I used a huge unit of Kroot to take the building while all my Tau units poured shots into the building. By turn four I had managed to wipe out almost all of the Eldar to give the Tau a decisive victory.
Boyakasha! Brings back memories of my college-era bar brawls. With such glorious success, Matt, it’s no wonder you sit atop all Matt Hutsons on the Google heap. You make us proud! Keep reaching for those stars!
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Ligers, Tigons, and Genomes, Oh My!
Legendary physicist and mathematician Freeman Dyson wrote recently in Technology Review about evolution. Based on a 2004 article by microbiologist Carl Woese, he refers to a pre-Darwinian era as the age before species, when organisms traded genes freely. According to Dyson, genetic evolution will soon piggyback on cultural evolution, leading to a post-Darwinian era that will resemble the pre-Darwinian era in one important way: the prominence of horizontal gene transfer. As culture makes the distribution of ideas (in particular those underpinning genetic engineering) more fluid, biology will follow. Species will no longer exist, as ligers and tigons and tomacco-ti-ligers rule the earth and reproduce in orgiastic laboratory love puddles. Kids can even get in on the action (no not that way): -
Vanity Plates at Fermilab
The Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, outside of Chicago, is home to the most powerful particle accelerator in the world. One of its biggest successes was the discovery of the last of the six quarks, the top quark, in 1995. (They also discovered the bottom quark in 1977.)When I worked at Fermilab (03-04) I did a fairly comprehensive survey of physics-related vanity plates among the staff and users. The number of ways people referenced “quark” on their plates approached the number of ways people spell “Britney Spears” in Google.
Physicist Michael Tartaglia has owned “DO TOP 1” since he came to the lab in 1990. “I thought it would globally advertise Fermilab’s mission to study the top quark, and locally advertise my affiliation with DZero [one of the particle detectors],” he said. (He no longer works with DZero, but the ring in “DO” doubles as a letter O, making "DO" a verb.)
Particle physicist Rajendran Raja has had “TP QUARK” since 1995, the year of the discovery. “I was the top quark convener in DZero from 1990-1994 and felt proud of the achievement of the whole collaboration,” he told me.
Particle physicist Harry Cheung got “CQUARK 1” in 1997. He works on an experiment called FOCUS, where they study the charm quark, “though it could stand for ‘See Quark 1,’” he said. “CQUARK” was not taken, but adding the 1 actually reduces the licensing fee.
Oh, the equivocating. Theorist Zach Sullivan kept it simple: “QUARK.” When he picked it up around 10 years ago, the people at the registry apologized for misspelling “quirk.” But at Fermilab, there can be no misunderstanding.
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Stuck with unwanted guests?
Wacky Weblink Wednesday! Screw Pedro. Vote for Chris Christmas Rodriguez.
Ya I know this video is ancient, but kicking grandma in the head is funny EVERY TIME.
And his dancing rivals NapoDyna’s.
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Against Depression
In The New York Times Magazine on Sunday, Peter Kramer, author of Listening to Prozac, published an amazing essay called "There’s Nothing Deep About Depression." He combats the myth that depression offers special powers of insight and creativity, a fantasy he traces back to the dawn of history. After a down period, melancholy surged in status during the Renaissance, and still rides the wave of Hamlet, a text that "cements our admiration for doubt, paralysis, and alienation." According to Kramer, "the rumination of the depressive, however solipsistic, is deemed admirable. Repeatedly, melancholy returns to fashion."
Nine years ago, in 12th grade at Groton, I gave my Chapel Talk about depression. I decried what I called the glorification of suffering:
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Right Said Wha?
me: [coming out of a club, billowing my shirt] "So hot…"
friend: "Are you gonna take your shirt off?"
m:"Totally. I’m too sexy for this shirt."
f:"Haha. Did you know that was a song?"
m:"No. That’s a song? Are you serious?"
f:"Totally. Wait, are you serious?"
m:"…"
